Stories told By Jasper
by writing-rabbit
Summary: A bunch of stories Jasper tells Renesmee about things that the Cullen's and Bella did before she was born. flash backs to tell and in jasper and Renesmee POV. :D HELPED by SpunkyPeanut. she helps come up with half of the brilliant ideas!
1. Chapter 1

**JPOV**

So I was in my room reading a book about civil war, to see if what the writers put in there really happened. And I have already found 3 mistakes! So I was sitting on the couch when Renesmee skipped in.

"Whatcha doing uncle jasper?" she said smiling up at me. i put my book down and picked her up sitting her down beside me.

"Just reading. Why?" I asked curious why she would want to know.

"Cause I wanted to hear some stories!?" she said excited. i have been telling her stories of what we used to do before she was born or before even thought of being born. she finds them quite funny to hear all the shenanigans we get into and the funny things we do then and now.

"Okay so I have told you about how I and Emmett always make bets about what your mommy would do. So how about Emmett and his stupid jokes?"

"Okay!" she settled down beside me and listened.

_*flash back*_

_We were walking into the cafeteria at forks high waiting for the girls to come out of the bathroom because they "needed to talk" what ever that meant._

_Emmett started laughing loudly causing people to look at us when we sat down at our usual table and looked at us since we didn't know what he was laughing at._

_But Edward did because he was looking at Emmett like an idiot._

_"That's not funny Emmett." Edward said looking away._

_"What did he say or think actually?" I asked wanting to know._

_"OKAY!" Emmett said looking like he was going to die if he didn't get to tell the joke. "What did the math book say to the therapist!!??" he asked waiting for my answer._

_"Well I don't know Emmett?" I asked bored with the joke. He started laughing before the punch line came in._

_"IVE GOT PROBLEMS!" he said bursting out with laughter. Wow._

_"Again that's not funny Emmett." Edward said aggravated hearing the same stupid joke twice._

_"I agree with Edward that was stupid." and it was "and its stupid cause math books don't talk." he was laughing again._

_"Yea but get it a math book has problems and a therapists helps with that." no._

_"Okay well I got a better one! But first Edward will you get me some up dog?" he asked seriously. I looked at Edward and he looked at me then back at Emmett._

_"What's that?" he asked confused_

_"What's what?" Emmett said looked at Edward and me like he didn't know_

_"What's up dog?" as soon as he said it I got it and chuckled lightly as Emmett laughed and looked at Edward who still didn't get it._

_"Nothing what's up with you!?" Emmett said laughing trying to control his laughter._

_"You walked right into that one Edward." I said looking at him. Just then the girls walked into the cafeteria trying not to laugh at us._

_"Hey" they all said sitting down and I put my arm around Alice and she kissed my cheek._

_"So what did you girls talk about?" I asked _

_"Well we just went in there till it was clear to not hear Emmett's jokes." my jaw dropped looking at there faces while they laughed._

_Edward looked at Bella: "are you serious! You let us go through that?"_

_"Yep. I have to hear them when you all aren't around so you two should suffer." Rosalie said looking at me and Edward._

_What the hell!!_

_*end flash back*_


	2. Family Fun and Broken Hearts

As Renesmee laughed while I looked down at her shaking form. "Is that why when Uncle Emmett goes to tell a joke or starts to everyone leaves and mommy and daddy go upstairs?" she asked smiling

"Yes. So what now?" she looked down and tapped her chin thinking.

"How come we don't have a family night?" she asked looking at me curious.

"Well....."

_*flash back*_

_You know the game monopoly? I FUCKING HATE THAT GAME! With a passion! If you even think you like it I will murder you and kick your ass. Want to know why!? Because it takes like 10 1/2 hours just to play one game! and it make it harder with distractions like Alice running around screaming for Bella to come out of hiding so she can dress her._

_i wouldn't come out._

_and Emmett is singing Brittany spears of all things! And it's hard to concentrate when you keep hearing:"YOU'RE A WOMINIZER!"_

_"OHMYGOSH! This sucks! This is the worst family fun night! I looked at Esme and Edward who was smiling like the devil at me. Why would he smile like that? WAIT!!!!! "EDWARD how did you get all that money!!??"_

_I asked infuriated?_

_Edward falls back laughing at him and the situation. "Edward you cheating whore!" I scream. I stood up "THAT'S IT! Esme I quit! Its 4:30 in the morning and I refuse to play with that cheating whore!"_

_That made Edward laugh more. What is he high off pixie stixs or something?? Emmett stops singing and runs beside me "calm down jasper we could play Yatzee if you like! I won't cheat!!" he said running off to get the game._

_"No! I hate that game too!" Carlisle comes in behind me _

_"What's wrong are you feeling okay??" he asked then Emmett runs back in with the game yatzee in his hands._

_"Yea what are you PMSing!" he asked like he knew what it was. And why would he? And everyone laughed but me and Bella who was looking at Emmett._

_"Emmett why do you know what that is?" she asked curious_

_"I don't but I heard you telling Alice about it" he said laughing._

_"No! I am not and I cannot get through this game because Edward is being a cheating whore! Carlisle went to feel my head like I could get a temperature but I dodged it "don't touch me Dr. Fang!"_

_Bella looks at me "you shouldn't say that about Carlisle, its not nice." she said and i laughed. _

_Edward stopped laughing and looked at her "what about me he called me a whore? And a cheating one at that. Don't you love me?" he asked looking sad._

_She looked down at him on the floor "well Edward if you can't play nice and not cheat then this wouldn't be a problem. So don't cheat. And I do love you."_

_"Well he is the one who thinks about what he is going to do before he does it"_

_He said laughing more._

_*end flash back*_

Renesmee was laughing harder at this story. She was bending over holding her sides he chuckled at her.

That really happened? and we don't have any more nights like that?"

"Nope. Your daddy likes to cheat ALOT." she looked at me and smiled.

"Any more?" she asked eager

"Yea I got ALOT! Okay how about this..."

_Flash back_

_Me and Edward and Emmett were walking around the mall waiting for the girls to finish getting Bella things. We were walking around looking for a seat in the food court. When Emmett found a piece of plastic on the floor shaped like a heart. "Here jasper this is for you!" he said handing me the plastic. I looked at it and accidentally broke it in my hand._

_"Oops" I said laughing and Edward with me._

_Emmett got a really sad look "Screw you!! You broke me heart!" he said like he was about to cry and ran off. Me and Edward were laughing again as we went to find Emmett._

_"Emmett gets back here and quit acting like a fucking baby! Your drawing attention to us!" by then Edward was practically on the floor rolling around laughing._

_We finally found Emmett at a table by himself hunched over, "I will not sit next to an ex-lover." he said looking way from me._

_"Come on Emmett it was a piece of plastic that you found. And I can get another one." I said getting the chair sitting down._

_"Nope. That one was special." I looked at Edward shaking my head. Edward just looked at me._

_"Dude you sound gay saying that." he said smiling almost laughing._

_"Shut the hell up Edward! And quite laughing or I'll shove a pole up your ass it will come out of your mouth._

_Just then the girls came around the corner and when Bella went to sit down she smacked me in the back of the head. While Edward just smiled again. _

_"Don't say that jasper! I thought we talked about your PMS problems?" she said laughing with Edward. She stopped and looked at Emmett._

_"What's wrong Emmett?' Bella asked sitting across from him._

_"Jasper broke my heart." he said looking away at Rosalie putting his head on her shoulder._

_"JASPER!" Alice, Bella, and Rosalie said at the same time. "How could you?" they asked getting up to hug Emmett._

_My jaw dropped and I and Edward were looking at the girls love on Emmett. Juts then an old man walked by looking at us "aren't that sweet. You two lovely gentlemen." smiling walking off. Edward stood up_

_"WE ARE NOT GAY!" I was rolling in the floor while people looked at Edward laughing at his outrage. _

_The old man turned around "I never said you were." Then the whole food court laughed.  
_

"Ohmy gosh! Uncle jazz. That's so hilarious!" Renesmee chocked and rolled right off the couch.

Poor girl didn't seem to notice.

"No it's not! Emmett is almost 100 years old ad can't go out in public without bring attention to him." I scowled. "One more thing...makes sure you Emmett is occupied by Rose or out of the city if you ever decide to have sex in the house."

She stopped and looked at me "what?" my eyes widened as I realized what i just said.

"That is a story for when you're older like....4,000 years older!" I yelled out. After a slight pause Renesmee started laughing again: this time at my exaggeration. If only she knew that I wasn't kidding.


	3. Authors note : sorry

**okay guys i know this sucks becasue i have gotten cool reviews on this story but i am not ending this story....i am waiting for my cowritter to finish with her part to give me which should be in the next couple of days.**

**i am writing the other story **_**farris wheel love **_**but i am too still writting this one.**

**i will update soon as in probably this week.**

**----peace writing rabbit**


	4. baking Cookies

**sorry forgot about the whole disclaimer thing :i don't own twilightiwish if i did total fame would be on me but sdaly not that lucky.**

**well on to the story.**

**EPOV**

renesmee was sitting in my lap looking at me. "so daddy do you know any good stories?' she asked looking at me. i set her down between me and bella nd looked at bella. she smiled and looked at renesmee too.

"yes, do you want to hear?" i asked laughing at what i was goning to tell her. she nodded fast and smiled widley.

"okay, how about when it was your mothers birthday...."

_falshback_

_"no Alice." i growled reading what she was going to attempt to do. "there is no way, you don't even know how to cook." she looked at me._

_"shut up edward she might hear. and besides i have watched the food network channel before." she said smiling running to the kitchen. i followed her in there trying to stop her._

_"so. i have too and when i try to cook the stuff they make it somwtimes doesn't turn out to well." i growled at her and she turned._

_"i knew you would be like this,..." then trailed off as bella came down stairs. my eye's widened and my jaw dropped as she walked by me._

_"hey edward will you help me?" bella asked _

_flash back stop._

Alice ran in and stopped beside me. "HEY! let me finish from here casue all you did was watch bella do stuff."

bella jumped up and looked at alice. "it wa your fault you told me that edward needed to be distracted while you did something for jasper not for me!" renesmee stood up on the couch and poked alice

"can you finish the story?" ny then carlisle and esme had come in to listen, and jasper and emmett were coming.

"OKAY!" alice said sitting down infront of renesmee and starting.

**from here APOV**

"so were was edward...OH!...."

_flas back again...._

_Edward followed bella out of the kitchen as planned but she thought it was to distract him from figuring out what i was doing for jaspr so he won't tell, but really i wa making something for bella, so iwas killing two birds with one stone._

_i had the supplies out and was eading the instructions to myself when emmett came in._

_"hey whatch doin?" emmett asked watching me._

_"i am making something for bella cause tomorrows her birthday and i wanted to make her cookies!" i said trying not to screech with excitment. Emmett smiled at me,_

_"can i help!!??" he said looking at me _

_"i guess but we have to make sure bella doesn't come in here, so if i say...." i trailed off thinking of a code word._

_"CHICKEN!' emmett siad laughing. i looked at him but it could work._

_"okay if i say chicken then run to stop bella." so we were cooking cookies and i was doing good and emmett was mixing the batter and keeping an open ear for the code wrod. i was in the middle of puttin more dough in the pan when i sa bella coming in for a glass of water. i looked at emmett and saw him still mixing and he can stop cause they don't need it anymore. _

_"EMMETT! i need yo to come over and finish this for me." i said. stopped and looked discusted._

_"no...i don't want to touch that yucky stuff!" i was trying to hurry,_

_'CHICKEN!" he looked at me shocked._

_"i am not chicken, let alone scared of it! i am not gonna help anymore!!" with that he ran out of the kitchen then came back in a second. i had already threw the bowl i was using at a wall broke it and accidentally knocked a towel into the open oven._

_the next hing i heard was a loud _

_BOOM!_

_edward, jasper,rosalie carlisle and an angry esme came ionto the kitchen.i looked to find bella stnding by emmett with black smoke on her._

_"ALICE!" she screamed and wiped her face off. i was trying not to laugh but emmett didn't. he bursted out laughing and fell down but recovered as soo nas esme glared at him._

_"ALICE!" esme yelled coming to me "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" she screamed. i looked down and said quickly._

_"meandemmettweremakingbellacookieforherbirthdaytommorrowandiwantedtomakethemspecialforher." i said quickly then looked at edward who was shaking his head._

_"i told you alice" esme turned and glared at him._

_"so you knew she was and didn't stop her." edward looked like he peed his pants if he could._

_"well...see..bella...was well coming down staris liek that..."he pointed at her, "and i kinda, gor distracted." he siad scared a little._

_"well see mom, this is what happened, emmett came up with code word 'chicken' to tell when he should keep bella out but when i needed to finish my job and she was coming i siad ;'chicken' and emmett thought i was saying he was one and ran out so i accidentally threw a towle in to oven." i sad looking at her._

_she looked at bella, who was still covered in ash. "bell, who don't you go upstaris and change and shower?" she said smilinga t her._

_bella left glaring at me and emmett "thank you esme." she siad and left. esme turned to me and emmett_

_"you two are GROUNDED!" she yelled at us. "and you have to fix the kitchen" edward laughed at us and esme turned to him. "ohh your not getting off that easy, it is particially oyur fualt." he stopped laughing and sighed. "you have to help them" he shook his head and knew what that meant._

_emmett smiled as we left for the store to get a new oven. and started on the songs. yes SONGS! as in one every minute, not only did we hear "IM A WOMANIZAER"! in the car but we have to hear "HEY HEY YOU YOU I WANNA BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!" while we clean the kitchen. i saw it minutes ago._

_oh boy._

_flash bak end._

emmett and renesmee were laughing a the story sas edward looked at emmett "your singing is horribly annoying emmett and if i hear it again i will kill you." he said as emmett looked at him.

"aww come on you guys know it was awesome with me cleaning?!" me and edward looked at eahc other then him "no!" we said together. bella was laughing and renesmee looked at her.

:what is so funny mommy?" she asked bella looked at her and smiled

"if you had been there to see and hear it you wold be laughing too." i can still remeber her. jasper and rosalie laughin recording us working nexxt to emmett as he one point i 'accidentally' hit him with the old oven and knocked him down.

edward started laughin at this casue he actually helped me with that plan. emmett lookd at me.

"it wasn't funny when you hit me either." HA! he could be a mind reader too. but i knew he wasn't.

"what ever emmett it was." and edward started laughing again.

well renesmee if you wanna hear a great story about your daddy come sit in my lap." i glanced at edward as i saw what he was gonna tel and started laughing. i heard about this from jasper and it was hilarious. as edward growled.

**sooo i know that i posted earlier saying that i was waiting for my co-writer and give me her story and then she told me another idea and i started writing and this is it.**

**so she is still writing and i am too sowhen iget new ideas here they are. so again new post soon.**


	5. AAR concert and Crazie Girls

**Hey guys….sorry for not writing for sooo long. Yeah I have been working on other stories and I haven't really had any ideas come to me but HEY! I got on and here it is.**

**I AM NOT S.M. if I was I would be famous….am I? Nope. Well CHAPTER FIVE:**

**JPOV**

After escaping from Emmett and calming him down to not hurt me after what I told Renesmee. We were all sitting in the living room and Alice had just finished the Cooking accident.

"Well I have another story, Renesmee…" I said smiling down at her. She got up from Edward's lap and come to mine jumping into my lap. I laughed and looked down at her ready to tell her my story. Edward's head snapped up and glared at me.

"Don't you do it Jasper…" Edward said seeing as he can read my mind he knows what I am about to tell…

"Don't worry Edward it's a harmless story and besides, it's only bad for you. Me and Emmett had fun that night." I said smiling and starting my story.

**FLASHBACK**

_Me, Emmett, and Edward decided to see what it's like to go to a Concert, seeing as we really hadn't gone to one. _

_Alice treated us to an 'All American Reject' concert. Talk about screaming girls._

_We were standing there watching as the Band played there music._

"_This kind of sucks…" Edward said shaking his head. Emmett snapped his head towards Edward and looked like he was about to slap him._

"_WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! THE ARE AWESOME!" he yelled. Just then Three Girls walked by us and stopped. I could feel the emotion coming off them and it was MORE then friendly._

"_Hey there…want to come with us tonight??" on asked putting her arm on my shoulders. One had her arms pressed to Emmett's chest and the other was TRYING to run her hands through Edwards's hair. _

_Emmett spoke up and pushed the girl off and moved next to me and smiled down at me throwing his arm over my shoulder. "Sorry ladies but this is my man and the only one for me, but Edward over here is single." Emmett said pointing his finger at Edward. Edward looked at me and with wide wyes was about to kill Emmett._

_I stood there with Emmett's massive arm around my shoulders thinking only one thing ".Fuck."_

_Emmett- being the dumbass that he is- grabs my hand and in a girly voice says "See you later, ladies." Then he jerked my arm, pulling me away from Edward and the crazy ladies. _

_We walked away only in hearing distance of the girls trying to get to Edward._

_The girls moved next to Edward putting there hands all over him. "Come with us…' they said trying to take him away. Me and Emmett were holding our sides laughing so hard. _

"_Emmett you're a dumbass but that was Brilliant!!" Me and Emmett high-fived and watched back at Edward._

_Finally Edward pushed them off. "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND THAT I INTEND ON MARRYING!" he said and stalked towards us. HE glared at me and Emmett then Smacked Emmett and turned to see the girls throwing themselves at another guy, but he helplessly gave in._

"_How could you guys?? Leave me with those girls and let them try and seduce me in the bathroom!" Edward said shaking his head. Emmett took his arm off my shoulder and looked at Edward. _

"_is that what they wanted to do to you Edward?" I asked. He looked at me and shook his head in disgust. _

"_that and among other dirty things I will not SAY!" he said trying to get the thought out of his head._

"_Shouldn't have dissed the 'AAR', and plus next time me and you can let jasper deal with the girls." Emmett said smiling. I looked at Emmett shocked._

"_Uhmm no! I will not go anywhere with ya'll if that's how it's going to be." _

_After a minute a song started to be sung and it was kind of catchy._

_I wake up every evening  
With a big smile on my face  
And it never feels out of place  
And you're still probably working  
At a nine to five pace  
I wonder how bad that tastes_

When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence love  
And where's that shiny car  
And did it ever get you far  
You never seemed so tense love  
I've never seen you fall so hard  
Do you know where you are

And truth be told I miss you  
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well  
Then he's a fool you're just as well  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself  
Where'd it all go wrong?  
But the list goes on and on

And truth be told I miss you  
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well  
Then he's a fool, you're just as well  
Hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see  
What you've done to me  
You can take back your memories  
They're no good to me  
And here's all your lies  
You can't look me in the eyes  
With the sad, sad look  
That you wear so well

When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well  
Then he's a fool you're just as well  
Hope it gives you hell

When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you hear this song and you sing along but you never tell  
Then you're the fool, I'm just as well  
Hope it gives you hell

When you hear this song  
I hope that it will give you hell

You can sing along  
I hope that it puts you through hell

"_Hey! I like this song!" I said hitting Emmett's back and high- fiving him. Edward just shook his head and put his fingers in his ears to block out the sound._

**END FLASH BACK!**

"But that is why we don't go to concerts anymore…at least not in group." Renesmee laughed and then looked at Emmett.

"Why did you say Uncle Jasper is your 'Man'?" she asked looking curious. Edward turned to Emmett.

"Yes Emmett, why did you?" he asked. Emmett tapped his chin and then looked at Renesmee.

"Well because He is my Brother and I love him very much, like how I love your daddy." Emmett said smiling. Renesmee laughed and then hopped down out of my lap and sat in the floor next to Alice.

"Hey Edward! Do me a favor and call my phone, it wasn't working earlier." I said and got it out and turned it on loud.

_When you see my face  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you walk my way  
Hope it gives you hell  
Hope it gives you hell  
When you hear this song and you sing along but you never tell  
Then you're the fool, I'm just as well  
Hope it gives you hell  
_

I laughed and ignored his call. Edward just glared and then threw a lamp at me making at break.

Esme came into the room and hit Edward in the back of the head. "WHAT! Did I tell you about throwing lamps!?" she said.

"A lot…" he said shaking his head. "I'll buy you another." He said getting up but she stopped him.

"FIRST, pick up the pieces of this one." She snapped and walked out of the room. Everyone started laughing as Edward bent down and picked up the pieces to the lamp he threw.

"Screw you Jasper." Edward said. I just laughed and thought for another story.

**Soo guys, how was that! My best friend Natalie gave me the idea for this, and she helped me pick things for it! Well, I might run out of stories so I might do ONE MORE chapter and then end it with a happily ever after….no! I will end it funny as hell and make have the best ENDING EVER!**

**Well later**

**Writing rabbit.**


	6. notes for carlisle

**New chapter GUYS!! I'm here to say that there will be a chapter 7 and then I am done! With this story that is. You guys are great and I'm glad that you guys love it. Well once to again to say I'M NOT S.M. and I do not own twilight. Well CHAPTER 6::**

**JPOV**

I l peered Down Renesmee and looked at Rose and Alice as they moved beside me placing her beside me. "Okay renesmee, life lesson: never go along with Emmett's pranks, because when he goes down, you go down with him.

"What do you mean, uncle Jazz?" she said looking up at me curious. I heard Alice laughing and Rose laughing with her, they already knowing what story I'm going to tell next.

"Well, young one it was about six months before you were born. A time when fragile little human girls were scary…"

**FLASHBACK!**

_Dearest Carlisle:_

_I simply cannot hide this from you anymore. I have fallen completely and irrevocably in love with you. I can no longer love Edward when I know that in my heart it was you I was made for. It's okay that you're in love with Esme. I don't mind sharing! We don't even have to tell anyone, Dr. Love._

_I think you are a sex god and I can be your goddess._

_All my Eternal Love_

_Bella._

"_This is going to be great!" Emmett snickered while stuffing the letter into an envelope that said: TO DR. MCDREAMY on the front._

"_You do realize that if Bella finds out about this, she'll have your dick on a plate handed to you on a platter and force you to eat it for dinner right?" I said watching him put the envelope inside his pocket._

"_How could you say something like that?!" Emmett screamed incredulously. "Don't listen to him spike! He's just a mean vampire." _

"_You talk to your penis? And you named it spike??" I yelled looking at him._

"_Spike is a him, not an it!" Emmett yelled back._

_What. The. Hell. I thought._

"_Now let's go. We have to get to the hospital Pronto!" he said marching out the door and to his jeep. _

_We walked into the hospital and slipped into Carlisle's office with out being noticed. We peered inside to see if it was empty._

"_Empty…Perfect!" Emmett said going inside and placing the envelope on his desk visible for when Carlisle sat down._

"_Come on, Emmett!" I said._

_We ran back to the jeep still completely un-noticed. Out side of nowhere I hear a vibration from underneath my seat and music._

"_Ohh me so horny! AHH me so horny!!" it sang._

_Suddenly Emmett reached in between my legs and felt around under my seat until he pulled out his cell phone. _

"_What the hell?" I muttered._

"_Hey baby." He said into the receiver._

"_EMMETT CULLEN!! Where the hell are you!??" screeched Rosalie from the other end of the phone._

"_Uhh…me and Jasper decided to do some hunting… in CANADA! …yeah he was hungry, so we're going there now." He lied. "I'm sorry I didn't give you a proper goodbye."_

"_Aww, its okay baby." She said. "When are you coming back?" she asked waiting for an answer._

"_Tomorrow morning." He said. _

"_Ohh. I'll see you then." She purred seductively, and then hung up._

"_Eww!" I thought making a face of disgust. _

"_Ohh like Alice hasn't said it to you!" he said._

"_Okay. But what are we going to do until tomorrow morning dumbass?" I exclaimed._

"_I have an idea…" he said slowly raising his eyebrows suggestively._

"_NO!" I shouted. "Rose and Alice almost killed us last time!" I shuddered remembering how horrible that was._

"_Aww, come on! Please? They don't have to know!" he said pouting._

"_That's what you said last time! And I think your forgetting that Alice-my wife-will see this."_

"_How?"_

"_She can see the future! Dumbass. Why do you think none of your pranks on her ever work?"_

"_Oh yeahh." He murmured. _

_We drove to Seattle until he had the brilliant idea to go to an all night movie festival._

_**THE NEXT MORNING:**_

"_Damn, those movies sucked!" Emmett yelled as we drove back to Forks._

"_Literally." I muttered slouching in my seat._

_Turns out the all night movie festival was showing vampire movies. All of them were completely unrealistic. Not all of us are blood thirsty demons. And we absolutely do NOT burst into flames in the sun._

_We pulled into the garage, parked, and walked inside. Everyone was gathered in the living room… not looking pissed._

_Oh. Shit. _

"_Hey did we miss the party or something?" Emmett asked._

"_No, Emmett, you and Jasper are just in time for the party," Carlisle said coolly._

_We are so fucked._

"_Come in, have a seat…" Bella trailed off looking at me and Emmett. More like glaring. We walked in a sat down on the sofa and saw Carlisle walk in front of us and pull out a envelope that looked exactly like…the...one…Emmett…used._

"_Well, to say I was surprised to get this is an understatement…"Carlisle said handing it to me and I looked at Emmett._

"_I TOLD YOU!" I said throwing it at him. Bella stood and walked in front of me and Emmett and glared._

"_SEX GOD! What the…FUCK!" she screamed. Her face was red with temper and she shook her head and looked back at us. "I would NEVER say that." She said. "AND to give it to CARLISLE! I was so confused and thought Carlisle was going crazy but no he thought I was in love with him!"_

"_Now this isn't entirely my fault…JASPER MADE ME DO IT!" Emmett yelled pointing and accusing finger at me. I was shocked Emmett would sell me out like that._

_I looked at Emmett "WHAT!" then I slapped him. "I'm not going to let you sell me out!" I yelled. Emmett rubbed his cheek and stood._

"_Okay it was just a harmless joke…no need to fight." Emmett said. Bella turned to look at him._

"_Ohh there will be payback." Bella said. _

**END FLASHBACK!!**

Renesmee laughed, and laughed and looked at Emmett "what did mama do?" she asked and Emmett didn't think before he answered.

"I didn't get fucked for a month." He said and rose slapped him in the back of the head.

Edward jumped up and dragged me and Emmett to the kitchen.

"HELLO! Young child, you can't say fuck! She might say it." He said trying to make a point.

"Daddy?" Renesmee said coming into the kitchen.

"Yes?" he said turning to her.

"What does fuck mean?" she said. Me and Emmett held our hands over our mouths trying to contain our laughter. Edward just turned and glared at us.

"Well…go ask your mother." He said and turned her to leave. Me and Emmett ran to the living room to see her sit in her mother lap and turn to her.

"Mommy, what does Fuck mean?" she asked innocently. Rose and Alice had our same expression. Bella turned and looked at us, and shook her head.

"Well, it's a bad word that you CAN'T say and I will tell you about when you are older." Bella said. Renesmee nodded and turned to go play with Alice. Bella stood and asked Alice to lay renesmee down for a nap and walked towards us.

"Guys…I have blackmail of you two dressed as male hookers, DON'T make me get it out." She said smiling at us. We got wide eyes and stopped laughing and I glanced at Emmett.

"Yeah Emmett, shut your big mouth!" I said and turned to leave the kitchen.

**How was that? I got a few ideas for the last chapters and my friend Natalie is going to help me with it. Well until next time guys…**

**Writing rabbit!**


	7. RockBand RainDance DollsTalk YouTube!

**HEY GUYS! Last chapter! Sadly. But I'm going to put it out with a BANG! Ha-ha. Okay guys I got this idea from SpunkyPeanut! Go read her stories…she is practically my sister! She is Awesome! Check it out!**

**Well ya'll should know that I'm not S.M. yepp well Chapter 7!**

**EPOV**

I was walking through the house after Alice had put Nessie down for a nap. I saw Emmett and Jasper Plugging in a device to the TV.

"What's that?" I asked sitting down as Jasper got out two drum sticks and sat down next to me. There was a white stand with red, green, blue, and yellow circles in front and a orange foot pedal at the floor.

"This is a WII and the game is ROCK BAND!" Emmett yelled. I smacked him.

"You dumbass! Nessie is asleep!" I said and listened; she turned over but never woke. I shook my head and looked back at the game. I looked and saw a plastic guitar on the floor next to a microphone.

"I want to play! I dib guitar!" I said and grabbed it. "Emmett you can sing!" I said and put the straps around my shoulder.

"Okay, lets rock this joint!" Emmett said and selected the song, 'dirty little secret' "yeah! AAR! Edward you hate them, but I LOVE THEM!" Emmett said as I shook my head and memorized the keys so I would know. I selected Expert mode and the song started.

_Let me know that I've done wrong  
When I've known this all along  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you_

Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret

Who has to know

I paused the game and clicked change. "What the Fuck Edward!! I was rocking it!" Jasper said looking at me and Emmett nodded.

"Well I couldn't handle it! It was to fast!" I said and selected easy. "I think I am an easy man…" I said and turned to Emmett, who was about to burst out laughing. "What?" I asked and jasper started laughing.

"You said you were an easy man!" he said and then fell over laughing.

"oh shut up and start again!" I said and pushed play.

_Let me know that I've done wrong  
When I've known this all along  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you_

Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret

Who has to know  
When we live such fragile lives  
It's the best way we survive  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret

Who has to know  
The way she feels inside (inside)  
Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)  
These sleeping thoughts won't lie (won't lie)  
And all I've tried to hide  
It's eating me apart  
Trace this life out

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret)

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret

Who has to know  
Who has to know

We got through the song and saw that in true forks nature it was raining. Alice came into the room and grabbed my hand and dragged me outside in the rain.

"WHY!" I asked as my clothes got soaked. Then Alice started to dance….wow. Emmett came out and joined her. I threw the guitar I was still wearing and went inside and got Bella with a stereo and took her out side. I turned on a song randomly and we all danced.

Renesmee ran outside and wrapped her arms around me I picked her up as we all danced to the beat. The rain slowed down and we all looked at each other. Bella picked up Renesmee and took her back upstairs and told her to go back to sleep.

I walked back inside and Esme pushed me back out. I looked at her shocked.

"NO! You are SOAKING WET! No! You stay till your dry!" she said and shut the door. I stood there and then knocked. She answered. "The answer is still no!" I looked at her and kept my hand on the door.

"It is still raining, I WONT DRY! At least make a towel path and I'll stay in my room." I said and she layed down many towels for me to walk across. I got upstairs and sat on my couch and looked around. Then I heard a girlish screech that was quiet but still audible. I walked to Alice and Jasper's room and saw Jasper Sitting on the floor playing with his civil war dolls. I put my hand over my mouth and tried to not laugh.

"No sir, I will not seduce you!" he said in a girlish voice making a doll talk. Pulled out my camera and recorded at least 3 minutes of him making two dolls talk about seducing each other.

I ran back to my room and called Bella up to our room. She walked in and sat on my lap and I showed her the video. She smiled and ran to my computer pulling up a video account and put the video on 'youtube' I smiled as she e-mailed the video to Jasper.

"HEY JASPER CHECK YOUR EMAIL" I hollered and waited for him to run in here. Three seconds later he busted the door down and looked at me and Bella who were laughing.

"WHY WERE YOU SPYING ON ME!" he yelled. I looked at him.

"Uhmm, you were the one who left the door open and then were making dolls talk out loud, which wouldn't help because I can read your mind." I said laughing.

Jasper stormed out and I changed clothes quickly and ran down stairs with Bella behind me. "Edward I cannot believe you did that! Now everyone in the world! Will know what I do!" Jasper said pouting.

"Well jasper let's just say that that was for what you did earlier in front of my daughter!" Bella said sitting down and opened a book reading.

"Yeah and besides who is going to watch that?" Bella started laughing and then I glanced and she was looking at Emmett's computer on his lap and he was laughing to.

"What?" Jasper asked looking at her.

"Apparently 164,251 did." She said shaking her head and went back to reading. I smiled and looked at Emmett's computer and the number had gone up since then.

"Edward!" Jasper screamed and then ran outside. I smiled and sat down and watched TV next to Bella, while Jasper calmed down.


End file.
